God, I know I've been so apart from you these past months, and for that, I am terribly sorry.
Thank you for the slap in the face you gave me today. First person 1 (who still stings) and now this. I know, despite me being not the perfect Catholic daughter You want me to be, I know love me no matter what, and that you want nothing but what's best for me. This hurts, but this slap on the face will only put me back in the right track. I hope that You understand that You've made me human, and that pain is just a part of the human nature. I know You're only making me stronger.. but I wish that I didn't feel so alone. But as always (and with a little rebellion, you know me!), I place my entire life in Your hands. Give me the strength I need to go through this with my head up high, towards whatever path You've chosen for me.
I have no idea what it is it that I have to do in this life. I get more and more confused every single day, but I put all my trust in You. Guide me, for I don't know where I should go from here.
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now..
Oh great God, be close enough to feel you now..
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Love..
Eat, Pray, Love has been a book that has completely shaken me awake. Unfortunately, the movie made it a cheesy love story when, in reality, the book has so much spirituality involved that now tons of people will never get to read. (Disclaimer: I enjoyed the movie, but it was just another movie.. however the book, in my world, will never be just another book)
Today, I admit it. I love you. And I will continue to love you until I don't anymore, if that day ever comes. I wish you the best, and I want you to be happy.. and every time I think of you, I will send you my love and my good thoughts.
Here are some quotes I absolutely adore. Elizabeth Gilbert is the living proof that only after so much pain we can find our path in life, and walk the journey that was written for us.
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life." (And for this, whether you know it or not, I will be forever thankful)
"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life." (What else can we do but carpe the hell out of the diem? Risk nothing, and gain nothing)
"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. " (My sweet Lord, when I die, there's only one thing you cannot tell me: "M, you haven't tried")
And inside the deepest pain in a broken heart, I can honestly say I am happy. I am happy I tried. I am happy I risked. I am happy I loved.
It is written..
Today, I admit it. I love you. And I will continue to love you until I don't anymore, if that day ever comes. I wish you the best, and I want you to be happy.. and every time I think of you, I will send you my love and my good thoughts.
Here are some quotes I absolutely adore. Elizabeth Gilbert is the living proof that only after so much pain we can find our path in life, and walk the journey that was written for us.
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life." (And for this, whether you know it or not, I will be forever thankful)
"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life." (What else can we do but carpe the hell out of the diem? Risk nothing, and gain nothing)
"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. " (My sweet Lord, when I die, there's only one thing you cannot tell me: "M, you haven't tried")
And inside the deepest pain in a broken heart, I can honestly say I am happy. I am happy I tried. I am happy I risked. I am happy I loved.
It is written..
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Problem of Pain
I am hurt today, and Jim Morrison explained exactly what I am feeling better than my own words could. I am sharing this here, in order to remember it myself. So that I never forget that I shouldn't be afraid of ashamed of my own feelings. I am human, and I embrace it with all my heart.
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
Monday, September 27, 2010
Time management..
I've been missing in action for the past week because life has been crazier than it has ever been. I have, once again, learned a lot from the crazy moments I have been experiencing lately.
It all started even before I set a foot in Taiwan..
I left London feeling giddy, after an awesome time in what can't be described as anything else but an awesome city. After managing to magically avoid paying for my way-over-23kgs-baggage (I still cannot understand how I managed to go from 31Kgs to 23Kgs in a matter of minutes!) and even doing some last-minute souvenir buying, I was ready to board my flight.
And here's where it started.
As I was boarding the aircraft (literally, I was just meters away), this airport man stops me and tells me its impossible for me to board because I had a carry on and I was traveling on coach. Um, what? Yes, it's true. I had my little suitcase, my purse and a backpack that had (I am not joking) only a teddy bear and a Cosmopolitan magazine inside.
I understand the whole 1-carry-on-piece-only policy, but absolutely nobody respects it on an international flight. It's quite impossible to do it when you're traveling long distances and you can only take so much.
I am going to defend KLM and say it wasn't them who actually caused this unnecesary drama. It was the airport people. Funny how after you check-in (where they ask you to show your carry-on and give you the ok or not-ok) they cause you trouble. As a side story, I was once traveling from Taipei to Brazil (two 12 hours flight plus a 3 hours flight) and I had;
1. A huge backpack.
2. A carry on.
3. My purse.
4. My laptop.
5. My pillow.
Okay, yes, it was waaaaaay to much that time.. and I heard the check-in people discussing in Mandarin whether they should or shouldn't let me board like this. In the end (they didn't realize I could speak Mandarin and could understand what they were saying) they let me go with no trouble because it was an awfully long flight and they just understood. During my flight the KLM staff never told me anything, and as usual, were always helpful.
Back to the original story though. Since that time, I realized how uncomfortable it is to travel with that many stuff on top of you, specially consider you have to change flights and wait, so I learned to pack lightly. This time, I was just like any other passenger when it came to hand luggage. I later understood that it was a small flight and that they were running out of space, therefore annoying those who were last to board.
The man (and mind you all) kept going on and on about how I needed to check one piece of hand luggage, and that I was lucky they weren't going to charge me for it, despite me explaining how they should be in communication with the check-in counter instead of causing trouble during boarding(and telling me if I don't hurry up, the plane is going to leave without me, even when I was staring at the aircraft's door as we spoke)
So after a lot of arguing (and I must admit most of it didn't even came from me, but from other passengers who were in the same situation) I was told I had to check one hand luggage. Understand that after the airline losing my suitcase on my way home, I was uneasy with the fact that I had to risk yet another suitcase with my possessions.. but oh well.
Okay. I check my backpack and the nice lady (not the mean man) was totally okay with it, doing the paperwork for it. As I had a foot in the aircraft, the stupid man calls me and tells me I have to check the other piece instead of my backpack because.. well, I don't know.
So in a rush and under his annoyed-dog face, I had to take all my valuables and laptop with me (which left me with, OMG 3 carry-ons anyways!) and I boarded the plane, and my little suitcase would meet me in Taipei.
I landed in Taipei, completely exhausted. It wasn't the longest flight I've ever been in, but I was simply beaten and looked like a rag doll. Even the super nice flight attendant who with I discussed the book I was reading the first minutes of the flights told me she was awfully worried I would hurt myself because I was sleeping in the strangest positions.
I went through immigrations, everything good. No problems. On to baggage claim.
1 hour passed. Nothing. Just as I was just relaxing, thinking to myself that I took all my valuables out of it anyways, I remembered a tiny little detail.
I looked all around my backpack and my purse over and over and over again, just to realize my apartment keys where on my little carry on. My roommate just moved not apartments, but countries and my landlord is a very hard man to locate. So, if my suitcase didn't arrive, I wouldn't have been able to get into my apartment at all.
My little suitcase was the last to arrive, but it did arrive. Thank God, it did arrive.
After the 45 min ride from the airport to Taipei City, I had to drag all my luggage up 4 floors in order to get everything in my apartment. I am not a strong person, but times like those you seem to take strength out of nowhere and become Hercules for 10 minutes.
I find out that I have no internet, but at this point, I don't care.
Shower. Bed. Heaven.
Now, back to reality. Selecting courses. My goodness what a headache. For two weeks (ending today), you have to run around the University seeing which classes you can/can't get in, checking the University system every day to see if there are any updates, la la la. Mind you, all of this without internet at the comfort of my place, which means staying in campus for much much longer than I would have liked every day.
On top of that, there's the whole finding-a-new-place issue. In Taipei City. In September. Anyone who lives in Taipei knows exactly what I am talking about. It's the time of the year everyone moves in and nobody moves out, and finding a place in Taipei, by default, is hard. Headache.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am the most disorganized person in this entire world. These weeks though, I finally managed to master an invention that I never really was able to use before; the agenda. I felt so ridiculous, writing down absolutely everything I needed to do, from classes to checking out apartments, to even dinner with friend! I must admit, I got over how stupid and not-me I felt quite fast, considering it helped me get through every week doing absolutely everything I had to do without going bananas over it. I surprised myself on how well I managed my own time, and how much I accomplished in such a short amount of time.
Aside from all this, there are boy and family issues involved as well. It's not worth mentioning them or re-telling them because I am already over them, and once I close a door for good, I see no point in re-opening it. But the point is, it hurt. It all hurt.
The cherry on top of the big ice-cream puddle of problems was the extremely expensive electricity bill, that wasn't even mine since I wasn't home all summer. It was my roommate's, but since he's MIA, it was my responsibility to pay. It's just money, but when you're a struggling students, things like this can bring you to tears.
Now that I already have a new place to live (moving soon!) and that classes are hectic, but settled, I can say these weeks have told me more about time management than any book, counselor or any other method people might use. I really impressed myself, considering I used to be the kind of person that could only get one thing done each day, otherwise the stress and anxiety would rise.
So when it comes to time management and life, these are the things I've learned ever since I came back to Taipei:
1. Catastrophic thinking only leads to stress and is completely useless. Focusing on more positive things changes how you approach the situation entirely.
2. The internet is like fire. Useful, but it can harm you without you knowing it. It's amazing how much you accomplish when you're not constantly worried about stupid internet social networks and "keeping in touch" You still keep in touch and you still do the things you have to do, and those things you enjoy to do online.. but after going for a while without the internet, you realize how boring it is, and how much time we (well, I) waste on it. These two weeks have been so exciting; I've finished 3 books, wandered around the city without any agenda and spent my free time with friends, things I wouldn't have done if I had to be online because someone might want to talk to me.
3. The BlackBerry is a life-saver. Sure, I don't really like technology all that much, and I don't really trust it (I am known for sleeping with two cell alarms on, just in case one dies and what not), but these past two weeks, being communicated 24/7 no matter where I was in the city or what I was doing was incredibly helpful and it did benefit my productivity a zillion times. I was able to answer urgent emails as soon as they arrived, keep in touch with classmates for new class prospects and many things that were anything but leisure. It helped. Tons.
4. The world continues. Because you didn't solve one problem one day, doesn't mean the entire world is going to stop, or that your life will crumble in front of your eyes.
5. Love people for what they bring to your life. And most importantly, love them for the lessons they taught you, even if they were completely unaware if they were teaching you anything at all. It hurts, but you will never forget it, and you will never forget them.. so leave all the anger, resentment and tears aside, and rememeber that they were in your life for a reason, and they are part of sweet memories as well. When you hold grudges, you only end up hurting yourself more than you already are. Spare yourself the pain and just love.
6. You're more capable than you ever thought you were. So spare yourself hours of doubts, soul-serching and "I can't"s and just do it. Chances are, you will end up surprising yourself.
7. When in trouble, when in pain, when in stress, just remember one thing.. keep breathing.
Lollipops!
It all started even before I set a foot in Taiwan..
I left London feeling giddy, after an awesome time in what can't be described as anything else but an awesome city. After managing to magically avoid paying for my way-over-23kgs-baggage (I still cannot understand how I managed to go from 31Kgs to 23Kgs in a matter of minutes!) and even doing some last-minute souvenir buying, I was ready to board my flight.
And here's where it started.
As I was boarding the aircraft (literally, I was just meters away), this airport man stops me and tells me its impossible for me to board because I had a carry on and I was traveling on coach. Um, what? Yes, it's true. I had my little suitcase, my purse and a backpack that had (I am not joking) only a teddy bear and a Cosmopolitan magazine inside.
I understand the whole 1-carry-on-piece-only policy, but absolutely nobody respects it on an international flight. It's quite impossible to do it when you're traveling long distances and you can only take so much.
I am going to defend KLM and say it wasn't them who actually caused this unnecesary drama. It was the airport people. Funny how after you check-in (where they ask you to show your carry-on and give you the ok or not-ok) they cause you trouble. As a side story, I was once traveling from Taipei to Brazil (two 12 hours flight plus a 3 hours flight) and I had;
1. A huge backpack.
2. A carry on.
3. My purse.
4. My laptop.
5. My pillow.
Okay, yes, it was waaaaaay to much that time.. and I heard the check-in people discussing in Mandarin whether they should or shouldn't let me board like this. In the end (they didn't realize I could speak Mandarin and could understand what they were saying) they let me go with no trouble because it was an awfully long flight and they just understood. During my flight the KLM staff never told me anything, and as usual, were always helpful.
Back to the original story though. Since that time, I realized how uncomfortable it is to travel with that many stuff on top of you, specially consider you have to change flights and wait, so I learned to pack lightly. This time, I was just like any other passenger when it came to hand luggage. I later understood that it was a small flight and that they were running out of space, therefore annoying those who were last to board.
The man (and mind you all) kept going on and on about how I needed to check one piece of hand luggage, and that I was lucky they weren't going to charge me for it, despite me explaining how they should be in communication with the check-in counter instead of causing trouble during boarding(and telling me if I don't hurry up, the plane is going to leave without me, even when I was staring at the aircraft's door as we spoke)
So after a lot of arguing (and I must admit most of it didn't even came from me, but from other passengers who were in the same situation) I was told I had to check one hand luggage. Understand that after the airline losing my suitcase on my way home, I was uneasy with the fact that I had to risk yet another suitcase with my possessions.. but oh well.
Okay. I check my backpack and the nice lady (not the mean man) was totally okay with it, doing the paperwork for it. As I had a foot in the aircraft, the stupid man calls me and tells me I have to check the other piece instead of my backpack because.. well, I don't know.
So in a rush and under his annoyed-dog face, I had to take all my valuables and laptop with me (which left me with, OMG 3 carry-ons anyways!) and I boarded the plane, and my little suitcase would meet me in Taipei.
I landed in Taipei, completely exhausted. It wasn't the longest flight I've ever been in, but I was simply beaten and looked like a rag doll. Even the super nice flight attendant who with I discussed the book I was reading the first minutes of the flights told me she was awfully worried I would hurt myself because I was sleeping in the strangest positions.
I went through immigrations, everything good. No problems. On to baggage claim.
1 hour passed. Nothing. Just as I was just relaxing, thinking to myself that I took all my valuables out of it anyways, I remembered a tiny little detail.
I looked all around my backpack and my purse over and over and over again, just to realize my apartment keys where on my little carry on. My roommate just moved not apartments, but countries and my landlord is a very hard man to locate. So, if my suitcase didn't arrive, I wouldn't have been able to get into my apartment at all.
My little suitcase was the last to arrive, but it did arrive. Thank God, it did arrive.
After the 45 min ride from the airport to Taipei City, I had to drag all my luggage up 4 floors in order to get everything in my apartment. I am not a strong person, but times like those you seem to take strength out of nowhere and become Hercules for 10 minutes.
I find out that I have no internet, but at this point, I don't care.
Shower. Bed. Heaven.
Now, back to reality. Selecting courses. My goodness what a headache. For two weeks (ending today), you have to run around the University seeing which classes you can/can't get in, checking the University system every day to see if there are any updates, la la la. Mind you, all of this without internet at the comfort of my place, which means staying in campus for much much longer than I would have liked every day.
On top of that, there's the whole finding-a-new-place issue. In Taipei City. In September. Anyone who lives in Taipei knows exactly what I am talking about. It's the time of the year everyone moves in and nobody moves out, and finding a place in Taipei, by default, is hard. Headache.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am the most disorganized person in this entire world. These weeks though, I finally managed to master an invention that I never really was able to use before; the agenda. I felt so ridiculous, writing down absolutely everything I needed to do, from classes to checking out apartments, to even dinner with friend! I must admit, I got over how stupid and not-me I felt quite fast, considering it helped me get through every week doing absolutely everything I had to do without going bananas over it. I surprised myself on how well I managed my own time, and how much I accomplished in such a short amount of time.
Aside from all this, there are boy and family issues involved as well. It's not worth mentioning them or re-telling them because I am already over them, and once I close a door for good, I see no point in re-opening it. But the point is, it hurt. It all hurt.
The cherry on top of the big ice-cream puddle of problems was the extremely expensive electricity bill, that wasn't even mine since I wasn't home all summer. It was my roommate's, but since he's MIA, it was my responsibility to pay. It's just money, but when you're a struggling students, things like this can bring you to tears.
Now that I already have a new place to live (moving soon!) and that classes are hectic, but settled, I can say these weeks have told me more about time management than any book, counselor or any other method people might use. I really impressed myself, considering I used to be the kind of person that could only get one thing done each day, otherwise the stress and anxiety would rise.
So when it comes to time management and life, these are the things I've learned ever since I came back to Taipei:
1. Catastrophic thinking only leads to stress and is completely useless. Focusing on more positive things changes how you approach the situation entirely.
2. The internet is like fire. Useful, but it can harm you without you knowing it. It's amazing how much you accomplish when you're not constantly worried about stupid internet social networks and "keeping in touch" You still keep in touch and you still do the things you have to do, and those things you enjoy to do online.. but after going for a while without the internet, you realize how boring it is, and how much time we (well, I) waste on it. These two weeks have been so exciting; I've finished 3 books, wandered around the city without any agenda and spent my free time with friends, things I wouldn't have done if I had to be online because someone might want to talk to me.
3. The BlackBerry is a life-saver. Sure, I don't really like technology all that much, and I don't really trust it (I am known for sleeping with two cell alarms on, just in case one dies and what not), but these past two weeks, being communicated 24/7 no matter where I was in the city or what I was doing was incredibly helpful and it did benefit my productivity a zillion times. I was able to answer urgent emails as soon as they arrived, keep in touch with classmates for new class prospects and many things that were anything but leisure. It helped. Tons.
4. The world continues. Because you didn't solve one problem one day, doesn't mean the entire world is going to stop, or that your life will crumble in front of your eyes.
5. Love people for what they bring to your life. And most importantly, love them for the lessons they taught you, even if they were completely unaware if they were teaching you anything at all. It hurts, but you will never forget it, and you will never forget them.. so leave all the anger, resentment and tears aside, and rememeber that they were in your life for a reason, and they are part of sweet memories as well. When you hold grudges, you only end up hurting yourself more than you already are. Spare yourself the pain and just love.
6. You're more capable than you ever thought you were. So spare yourself hours of doubts, soul-serching and "I can't"s and just do it. Chances are, you will end up surprising yourself.
7. When in trouble, when in pain, when in stress, just remember one thing.. keep breathing.
Lollipops!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
On the road to professional me..
This has been probably the most exhausting, yet the most rewarding week of my life.
I worked as an interpreter for a group of businessman that came to my home town to do some investment projects. Who and what, I won't say in order to respect their privacy.
I always wondered if I was in school for something I truly didn't like. But seeing business and negotiations in action has been so amazing that I realize that the theory I learn in school doesn't do the reality any justice. To do business, you need to be quick on your feet and be incredibly clever.. and I really like what I saw. I can tell it's a dynamic job and that it constantly keeps you at the edge of your seat. And I know I cannot be content with not pushing myself from one challenge to the next one..
More important than that, I realized that I might actually be really good at this. They were happy and impressed with my job, and that meant a lot to me. I've never had any work experience what so ever, and seeing how these successful men were impressed with my job made me extremely happy on a personal level. I got this huuuuge boost of confidence in an area that I never had confidence before; the professional area.
I know that I am still young, and that I have tons of things to learn, but knowing that I not only can learn, but that there's people out there that see my potential and want to help me is incredibly encouraging. It just pushes me to keep going forward and to strip away of "what if"s and fears.
Hopefully, this experience is only the beginning. But as of today, I am really happy.
I worked as an interpreter for a group of businessman that came to my home town to do some investment projects. Who and what, I won't say in order to respect their privacy.
I always wondered if I was in school for something I truly didn't like. But seeing business and negotiations in action has been so amazing that I realize that the theory I learn in school doesn't do the reality any justice. To do business, you need to be quick on your feet and be incredibly clever.. and I really like what I saw. I can tell it's a dynamic job and that it constantly keeps you at the edge of your seat. And I know I cannot be content with not pushing myself from one challenge to the next one..
More important than that, I realized that I might actually be really good at this. They were happy and impressed with my job, and that meant a lot to me. I've never had any work experience what so ever, and seeing how these successful men were impressed with my job made me extremely happy on a personal level. I got this huuuuge boost of confidence in an area that I never had confidence before; the professional area.
I know that I am still young, and that I have tons of things to learn, but knowing that I not only can learn, but that there's people out there that see my potential and want to help me is incredibly encouraging. It just pushes me to keep going forward and to strip away of "what if"s and fears.
Hopefully, this experience is only the beginning. But as of today, I am really happy.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
A warrior in the making..
"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life"
~J.K. Rowling.
We hit rock bottom.
We learn.
We stand back up.
And we grow up.
Life took good care of me. It slapped me in the face every time I needed to learn a lesson about life and my life, and it put me right back on track, on the path of becoming a better version of myself.
"Warriors of the light are not perfect. Their beauty lies in accepting this fact and still desiring to grow and to learn"
~ Paulo Coelho quotes from The Warrior of the Light
Life has taught me is time to face the truth and see things just the way they are. Disguising what surrounds us only leads to more lies, isolating ourselves from what's truly essential. And gosh we need to strip away from the inessential!
This simple, yet painful task gives us the ability to face our issues clearly and justly, and help us find the right path again.
"Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light. Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light has said 'yes' when he wanted to say 'no.'
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved. That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is"
~ Paulo Coelho quotes from Warrior of the Light
Wise words from an wise man, who has inspired my life through his words and work.
If I ever get the opportunity to meet Mr. Coelho, I would have no other words to tell him but thank you. Not everyone is a fan of his work, but the humanity and simplicity he writes with, along with mind blowing spirituality, have always hit close to my heart.
Being human means I am bound to make mistakes. Nobody wants to make them, myself included, but we all do. We all do.
But we learn from those mistakes. Honesty and forgiveness are two noble human qualities we have inside of us. We cannot lose, but win everything when we're honest with ourselves and with those surrounding us.
Lastly, I realize that not only I take life for granted, but that I often discredit it too. Looking around me, most of us do. "A miracle happened: another day of life.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. My Lord is wise. He knows that we don't learn the lesson unless we'd shed some tears in the process.
I post a picture that completely changed the way I view life, despite the bad quality of the shot. I share it only on special moments, and so far, only a few people have truly appreciated the beauty of it. It was taken at the very top of the Ali Mountain in Taiwan (阿里山), a truly beautiful and magical place. A Buddhist monk was playing with his dog, watching the most amazing sunset I have ever seen.
It was right there and right that second, staring at that man, that I understood what the meaning of life truly was. And how simple the answer is.
I could try and explain what this last picture means to me, but Mr. Coelho wrote it better than I could ever attempt to. I am sure, just like I received the blessing of witnessing this perfect moment, he was blessed with one (or several!) too.. just in a different place, in a different time. He understands.
"I learned the most important lesson of my life: that the extraordinary is not the birthright of a chosen and privileged few, but of all people, even the humblest. That is my one certainty: we are all the manifestation of the Divinity of God"
~J.K. Rowling.
We hit rock bottom.
We learn.
We stand back up.
And we grow up.
Life took good care of me. It slapped me in the face every time I needed to learn a lesson about life and my life, and it put me right back on track, on the path of becoming a better version of myself.
"Warriors of the light are not perfect. Their beauty lies in accepting this fact and still desiring to grow and to learn"
~ Paulo Coelho quotes from The Warrior of the Light
Life has taught me is time to face the truth and see things just the way they are. Disguising what surrounds us only leads to more lies, isolating ourselves from what's truly essential. And gosh we need to strip away from the inessential!
This simple, yet painful task gives us the ability to face our issues clearly and justly, and help us find the right path again.
"Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light. Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light has said 'yes' when he wanted to say 'no.'
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved. That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is"
~ Paulo Coelho quotes from Warrior of the Light
Wise words from an wise man, who has inspired my life through his words and work.
If I ever get the opportunity to meet Mr. Coelho, I would have no other words to tell him but thank you. Not everyone is a fan of his work, but the humanity and simplicity he writes with, along with mind blowing spirituality, have always hit close to my heart.
Being human means I am bound to make mistakes. Nobody wants to make them, myself included, but we all do. We all do.
But we learn from those mistakes. Honesty and forgiveness are two noble human qualities we have inside of us. We cannot lose, but win everything when we're honest with ourselves and with those surrounding us.
Lastly, I realize that not only I take life for granted, but that I often discredit it too. Looking around me, most of us do. "A miracle happened: another day of life.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. My Lord is wise. He knows that we don't learn the lesson unless we'd shed some tears in the process.
I post a picture that completely changed the way I view life, despite the bad quality of the shot. I share it only on special moments, and so far, only a few people have truly appreciated the beauty of it. It was taken at the very top of the Ali Mountain in Taiwan (阿里山), a truly beautiful and magical place. A Buddhist monk was playing with his dog, watching the most amazing sunset I have ever seen.
It was right there and right that second, staring at that man, that I understood what the meaning of life truly was. And how simple the answer is.
I could try and explain what this last picture means to me, but Mr. Coelho wrote it better than I could ever attempt to. I am sure, just like I received the blessing of witnessing this perfect moment, he was blessed with one (or several!) too.. just in a different place, in a different time. He understands.
"I learned the most important lesson of my life: that the extraordinary is not the birthright of a chosen and privileged few, but of all people, even the humblest. That is my one certainty: we are all the manifestation of the Divinity of God"
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Time..
"Dejare que el tiempo cure todas las heridas, y aunque queme por dentro, se que voy a renacer"
A piece of a wonderful song by Alejandro Lerner that has inspired my tattoo, and my life. "I will let time heal all wounds, and although it burns inside, I will be born anew" (Rough translation, sorry Mr. Lerner!)
The phoenix bird. What an admirable animal. It dies and it rises from its own ashes. Learns from its mistakes. Stands up after a fall. Is born again after the all the pain.
Someone once told me "Give time the time it needs"
Impatience. Damn flaw that came with me when I was born.
Tired of waiting. Tired of staring at my watch. Tired of giving my time away and waiting for an answer that never seems to come.
"Give time the time it needs"
Today, I understand that time is human and therefore, imperfect. Time has its moment. I used to believe time could make mistakes, but now I understand that God has a perfect time for everything; that nothing is rushed, and nothing is delayed. It arrives precisely when it has to, although sometimes we don't have the patience to understand it.
Time has acted perfectly in the past. It acts in my present and will continue to act in my future, only for the best. But at its own rhythm. At its own time. My Lord's time.
God (or time, if you don't believe) told me today "Patience, the sweetest things are worth waiting for"
Looking for His Word, I bumped into this passage:
"Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near."
James 5:7-8
Today, I understand it.
Time: I've had so much pain in my life, and I have always questioned when you'd bring happiness into my life. I cursed your name while I waited and I even decided to hate you and to not wait anymore.
I understand now that it was simply not the time yet, and that you act in the way the hand of destiny, my Creator, has programmed you to act.
My Lord is wise, and it knows the perfect moment to tell the time that waiting time is over and that it's time to act.
And when my Lord told the time "It's time to act", it made me taste the sweetness of what I once hoped for and thought would never come to pass. I understood that time only does its job, and I forgave it.
So thank you time and my sweet Lord, for all the blessings I have in my life. For starting to make my dreams come true, one by one, and for whispering in my hear that everything I have done was worth it and that it is now my time to enjoy what I have so long waited for.
I know that there are still hundreds of things I will have to wait for.
I know as I type this, I am waiting.
I know there are wounds that are still wide open; that I have yet to forgive and be forgiven. That I have to grow, and let others grow.
But today I understand that I simply have to be patient and wait. Sit next to my personal mountain and take a deep breath, waiting for You to come and admiring the beauty that surrounds me every day.
Today, I give You all the time you need. I know that no matter how long I wait, You will visit me again; that you will whisper into my hear again, while I smell that sweet aroma that you always bring with the fresh breeze.
My Lord, Your Will be made.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(The painting is Salvador Dali's "The persistence of Memory", one of my favorite artworks, by one of my favorite painters)
Monday, August 16, 2010
Becoming a phoenix
Randy Pausch in his amazing book "The Last Lecture" (that I recommend to anyone who hasn't read it yet) wrote a quote that will forever remain close to my heart.
"It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you get hit...and keep moving forward."
Living in Taiwan, I see dragons everywhere. The dragon, as you all might know, is the only animal in the Chinese Horoscope that isn't a real animal. Legend tells that Confucius was the only person on Earth to ever see a dragon, and this is why it is extremely important in the Chinese culture. All memorials and temples are decorated with countless dragons; strong and invincibles, full of wisdom, guardians of the Truth and a good luck charm. The dragon is so important for the Chinese that it became the symbol to identify the emperors of the ancient dynasties.
What a concept! Who wouldn't want to be a dragon?
Even though I was born in the year of the Dragon (that is considered one of the biggest blessings for a newborn), I choose and decide not to become a dragon.
In the temples, behind the hundreds of colorful and golden dragons, lies another mythical creature that is often overlooked due to the dragon's greatness and undeniable presence. Nevertheless, this creature also has a strong meaning for the Chinese culture, so important that it became the symbol for the Empress. Despite all that, that creature is hidden for those who don't take the time to look beyond the shocking dragons;
This creature is the phoenix.
Fragile and small in comparison to the great dragon, this creature possesses a quality that became a life lesson to me; near the end of its life, the phoenix ignites itself burning fiercely until only ashes remain. From the ashes, a new, young phoenix will arise, reborn anew to live again. To learn and be reborn from its own pain .
When I pray, I don't ask God to know the Truth, nor to be perfect, fierce or to always be right. I don't even ask Him to have a perfect life. I ask Him, above all things, to always let me be a phoenix in all the situations life has waiting for me; that no matter all the punches life has given me (and will continue to give me) He will grant me the wisdom to learn each lesson behind every painful moment I have yet to face, and the strength to be born anew; to start all over again, to rise with my head up high, humbled and with new knowledge to continue moving forward, with a life lesson learned. I ask Him to show me that the opportunities He gives us have no limit or number, and that it is never to late to start again. That everything has a solution if there is a will to solve what is not right. I pray for Him to humble me enough to learn to listen instead of talking, and to grant me the love to leave behind differences and focus on what is truly essential.
As of today, after countless punches and painful moments, I have a phoenix tattooed on my foot. Every time a storm hits hard and life becomes unbearable, I look down and see my own little phoenix sleeping quietly on my right foot, reminding me of my own inner strength.
Life can be tough and painful, but as I look at my phoenix I always remember that you can never defeat those who refuse to give up.
"It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you get hit...and keep moving forward."
Living in Taiwan, I see dragons everywhere. The dragon, as you all might know, is the only animal in the Chinese Horoscope that isn't a real animal. Legend tells that Confucius was the only person on Earth to ever see a dragon, and this is why it is extremely important in the Chinese culture. All memorials and temples are decorated with countless dragons; strong and invincibles, full of wisdom, guardians of the Truth and a good luck charm. The dragon is so important for the Chinese that it became the symbol to identify the emperors of the ancient dynasties.
What a concept! Who wouldn't want to be a dragon?
Even though I was born in the year of the Dragon (that is considered one of the biggest blessings for a newborn), I choose and decide not to become a dragon.
In the temples, behind the hundreds of colorful and golden dragons, lies another mythical creature that is often overlooked due to the dragon's greatness and undeniable presence. Nevertheless, this creature also has a strong meaning for the Chinese culture, so important that it became the symbol for the Empress. Despite all that, that creature is hidden for those who don't take the time to look beyond the shocking dragons;
This creature is the phoenix.
Fragile and small in comparison to the great dragon, this creature possesses a quality that became a life lesson to me; near the end of its life, the phoenix ignites itself burning fiercely until only ashes remain. From the ashes, a new, young phoenix will arise, reborn anew to live again. To learn and be reborn from its own pain .
When I pray, I don't ask God to know the Truth, nor to be perfect, fierce or to always be right. I don't even ask Him to have a perfect life. I ask Him, above all things, to always let me be a phoenix in all the situations life has waiting for me; that no matter all the punches life has given me (and will continue to give me) He will grant me the wisdom to learn each lesson behind every painful moment I have yet to face, and the strength to be born anew; to start all over again, to rise with my head up high, humbled and with new knowledge to continue moving forward, with a life lesson learned. I ask Him to show me that the opportunities He gives us have no limit or number, and that it is never to late to start again. That everything has a solution if there is a will to solve what is not right. I pray for Him to humble me enough to learn to listen instead of talking, and to grant me the love to leave behind differences and focus on what is truly essential.
As of today, after countless punches and painful moments, I have a phoenix tattooed on my foot. Every time a storm hits hard and life becomes unbearable, I look down and see my own little phoenix sleeping quietly on my right foot, reminding me of my own inner strength.
Life can be tough and painful, but as I look at my phoenix I always remember that you can never defeat those who refuse to give up.
Prologue
From the Ancient Greek Φοῖνιξ (phoínix), the phoenix is a beautiful scarlet and golden mythological bird that is mentioned in several ancient mythologies, often associated with Rebirth. It is said that near the end of the phoenix’s life-cycle, both the bird and its nest burst into flames, burning fiercely until only the ashes remain. Rising from its own ashes, a new young phoenix will arise, ready to live again.
The Ancient Egyptians associated the legend of the phoenix with their longings for immortality. For the Egyptians, the Bennu bird served as correspondence to the mythological phoenix; it is said that this bird was the soul of Ra, the God of Sun. The word Bennu is probably related to the word wabāna, meaning ‘to shine’ or ‘to rise brilliantly’, which explains why this bird was the sacred bird of the Heliopolis or Sun-City. The myth tells us that the Bennu created itself from a fire that burned on a holy tree in one of the sacred precincts of the temple of Ra; others say that it burst from the very heart of Osiris, the God of the Afterlife. Contrary to the traditional idea of a phoenix we now have, the Bennu was often portrayed as a grey heron with a two-feathered crest and a long beak, often crowned with a white crown with two ostrich feathers plumes on the sides, known as the Atef crown of Osiris.
Probably the most well-known version of the phoenix would be the Arabian phoenix; said to be as large as and similar to an eagle, with brilliant scarlet and golden feathers and a melancholic, yet soothing cry. Legend says that the phoenix would appear at dawn every morning, when the golden sun was just starting to rise and the sky was still scarlet, and sing a chant so beautiful that even the Gods would stop to listen.
It is believed that a phoenix could live for a long period of time, estimated between 500 and 1000 years. As the phoenix approached the end of its life, it would build itself a nest of myrrh twigs that would later ignite and be consumed by wild, powerful flames. Both the nest and the bird would be reduced to ashes, from which the new phoenix will arise; other sources say that the new phoenix arises from the midst of the flames.
In China, the Feng Huang (鳳凰) were mythological birds, similar to the phoenix, that reigned above all other birds. The Feng Huang is the second most-respected legendary creature in the Chinese culture, following the almighty and powerful Dragon. At the beginning, the term Feng referred to the masculine birds and the term Huang to the feminine birds, but this distinction is no longer made and the Feng Huang has been given purely female connotations; the Dragon, which has male connotations, was used to represent the Emperor, while the Feng Huang was used to represent the Empress. The Feng Huang was the symbol for power and prosperity, as well has high-virtue and grace. The phoenix was used to represent the power the Empress received from the heavens and only she could wear the phoenix symbol. The Feng Huang also symbolizes the union of the yin and yang.
According to the Erya (爾雅 - the oldest Chinese Encyclopedia), the Feng Huang was thought to be made up of the beak of a rooster, the face of a swallow, the neck of a snake, the breast of a goose, the back of the tortoise, the hindquarters of a stag and the tail of a fish. It is said that each part of the Feng Huang symbolizes a word; the head represents virtue, the wings represent duty, the back represents propriety, the abdomen represents belief and the chest represents mercy. It is also said that the Feng Huang’s body represents the six celestial bodies; the head is the sky, the eyes are the sun, the back is the moon, the wings are the wind, the feet are the earth and the tail is the planets.
During the Han Dynasty, two phoenixes were shown facing each other; one being male (Feng) and the other being female (Huang). The two terms merged together during the Yuan Dynasty and came to symbolize the Empress. If a phoenix was used to decorate a house, it symbolized that loyalty and honestly lied in the hearts of the people that lived inside it.
The phoenix is not absent in Hindu and Buddhist mythology either; the Garuda (गरुड) is a large mythological bird-like creature and it’s considered to be an Indian version of the phoenix.
Why is a bird that does not even exist so important for so many different cultures? Why is the phoenix still used in popular culture these days? Is there some knowledge or secret hidden inside the legend of this mythological bird?
And more importantly, what does the phoenix means to me? How does it help me in the quest for my dreams?
The Ancient Egyptians associated the legend of the phoenix with their longings for immortality. For the Egyptians, the Bennu bird served as correspondence to the mythological phoenix; it is said that this bird was the soul of Ra, the God of Sun. The word Bennu is probably related to the word wabāna, meaning ‘to shine’ or ‘to rise brilliantly’, which explains why this bird was the sacred bird of the Heliopolis or Sun-City. The myth tells us that the Bennu created itself from a fire that burned on a holy tree in one of the sacred precincts of the temple of Ra; others say that it burst from the very heart of Osiris, the God of the Afterlife. Contrary to the traditional idea of a phoenix we now have, the Bennu was often portrayed as a grey heron with a two-feathered crest and a long beak, often crowned with a white crown with two ostrich feathers plumes on the sides, known as the Atef crown of Osiris.
Probably the most well-known version of the phoenix would be the Arabian phoenix; said to be as large as and similar to an eagle, with brilliant scarlet and golden feathers and a melancholic, yet soothing cry. Legend says that the phoenix would appear at dawn every morning, when the golden sun was just starting to rise and the sky was still scarlet, and sing a chant so beautiful that even the Gods would stop to listen.
It is believed that a phoenix could live for a long period of time, estimated between 500 and 1000 years. As the phoenix approached the end of its life, it would build itself a nest of myrrh twigs that would later ignite and be consumed by wild, powerful flames. Both the nest and the bird would be reduced to ashes, from which the new phoenix will arise; other sources say that the new phoenix arises from the midst of the flames.
In China, the Feng Huang (鳳凰) were mythological birds, similar to the phoenix, that reigned above all other birds. The Feng Huang is the second most-respected legendary creature in the Chinese culture, following the almighty and powerful Dragon. At the beginning, the term Feng referred to the masculine birds and the term Huang to the feminine birds, but this distinction is no longer made and the Feng Huang has been given purely female connotations; the Dragon, which has male connotations, was used to represent the Emperor, while the Feng Huang was used to represent the Empress. The Feng Huang was the symbol for power and prosperity, as well has high-virtue and grace. The phoenix was used to represent the power the Empress received from the heavens and only she could wear the phoenix symbol. The Feng Huang also symbolizes the union of the yin and yang.
According to the Erya (爾雅 - the oldest Chinese Encyclopedia), the Feng Huang was thought to be made up of the beak of a rooster, the face of a swallow, the neck of a snake, the breast of a goose, the back of the tortoise, the hindquarters of a stag and the tail of a fish. It is said that each part of the Feng Huang symbolizes a word; the head represents virtue, the wings represent duty, the back represents propriety, the abdomen represents belief and the chest represents mercy. It is also said that the Feng Huang’s body represents the six celestial bodies; the head is the sky, the eyes are the sun, the back is the moon, the wings are the wind, the feet are the earth and the tail is the planets.
During the Han Dynasty, two phoenixes were shown facing each other; one being male (Feng) and the other being female (Huang). The two terms merged together during the Yuan Dynasty and came to symbolize the Empress. If a phoenix was used to decorate a house, it symbolized that loyalty and honestly lied in the hearts of the people that lived inside it.
The phoenix is not absent in Hindu and Buddhist mythology either; the Garuda (गरुड) is a large mythological bird-like creature and it’s considered to be an Indian version of the phoenix.
Why is a bird that does not even exist so important for so many different cultures? Why is the phoenix still used in popular culture these days? Is there some knowledge or secret hidden inside the legend of this mythological bird?
And more importantly, what does the phoenix means to me? How does it help me in the quest for my dreams?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)